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This is what H.T. shared four years ago about a coaching journey we walked together, as she was learning to listen to her body, her needs, and her inner direction with more gentleness.
All my life I’ve had a love / hate relationship with food. Hated it because I thought it made me fat. Needed it – like love because it was the only thing that seemed to calm my insides. In the beginning of Donna’s 90 day Optimal Self Care program, I thought I needed resiliency in regards to using food to soothe me and figure out a way to combat this constant state of stress. However, to my surprise, something I didn’t expect happened... I have transformed into being in more of a state of relaxation. I am listening to my body more and practicing making healthier choices for myself. I now recognize those stressful moments that need to be dealt with and yet I don’t revert to being in that constant stressful state.
This is a huge celebration for me! In the past, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t relax, I could not even (after doing research) tap into my “parasympathetic nervous system.” I was using things like wine to feel a sense of relaxation even if it was fake. I was in a loop of using food and wine to evoke a relaxation state. I would have walked around for two days feeling disconnected and the outcome would have been overeating and drinking.
I knew I had this lifetime complex trauma... I had done cognitive healing but I had not learned how to allow my body to relax. I also had a habit of self-abandonment...as well as, have a history of just as many so-called “showing up for myself” experiences. The fuel I previously used to show up for myself was FEAR-based so it manifested as ANGER and BLAME in order to give me the permission I needed to validate my own needs.
Through the journey of coming back to myself and integrating the lessons, I am studying the coursework in “Course in Miracles” to learn the steps of replacing FEAR with LOVE. In many ways, I already see this new way to BEING. As I have discussed with Coach Donna – being comfortable with this new FUEL Source of LOVING myself, feels new, but like a pair of slippers that I was meant to wear.
And this transformation has spilled into my professional work and personal relationships in many positive ways. I now see where I can honor my needs where in the past I was getting left behind, or always last on the list, which contributed to the stress. I am in a much better place, now that I practice loving myself with better boundaries, supporting my self-care in ways that are firm yet still loving and respectful for all involved.
During the 90 days, every session Donna met me where I was in my journey, listening, observing and holding a safe space for me while I shared my triumphs and challenges that week. Even outside the sessions, Donna was there for me via text to celebrate my wins, as well as encourage me when I felt like defeat was trying to creep in. Donna pulled out of her bag of resources certain tools she customized for me. One tool in particular is a visualization exercise that I haven’t had the experience before coaching with Donna and that I now use on a regular basis.
The most important part of this journey for me is that I did show up for myself...this time in a more honest way by being vulnerable throughout the 90 days, knowing that I was in safe hands. I did the physical, mental, and even spiritual work necessary to get rid of some very unhealthy habits and create new healthy ones. I can feel this change in my core and now nothing can stop me. I highly recommend Donna as a coach that can assist you to obtaining that healthier, freer life you may be so longing for.